Top 16 Lesser Known Executive Privileges

  1. Executive dibs on fries in the bottom of the bag... anywhere, any time, *any* bag
  2. Authorized to dispatch towel-wielding Secret Service agents at White House pool parties to apply stinging "rat tails"
  3. "You're Greek? Hey, come on up to my place tonight and we'll lob a couple of missiles at Istanbul."
  4. 5-Day video rentals from Justice Thomas's "personal collection"
  5. Prerogative to suspend constitutional prohibition on "Cruel and Unusual Punishment" should he feel like appearing in public wearing gym shorts
  6. The "President's Dozen" -- 15 doughnuts for the price of 12 at all DC doughnut shops
  7. Platinum membership in The Players Club AND front-row seats at any Wrestlemania event
  8. In case of pants-too-tight emergencies, there's Gertie, the little-used corset-cincher left over from the McKinley administration
  9. When competing on Jeopardy, not required to answer in the form of a question
  10. Goodbye, Extra Value Meal -- hello, Super-sized Extra Value Meal with Apple Pie and Milkshake!
  11. Somebody piss you off? Make their yard a national park and it'll be wall-to-wall Winnebagos.
  12. Can order lawn mowed by upside-down Marine Corps helicopter
  13. One GET OUT OF LAWSUIT FREE card per term
  14. Allowed to bring bucket of fried chicken to opera performances at Lincoln Center
  15. Commander-in-Chief status + surplus Partiot missiles = 1 bitchin' 4th of July!
  16. Unlimited Murphy's Oil to maintain Vice President's natural wood-grain luster
>This list copyright 1998 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
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Submitted By: Anonymous
May 27, 1998 12:31

This joke is rated: PG