The Top 15 Ways Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long

  1. Wet willies from two tables away!
  2. Almost guaranteed to be Madonna's sole boyfriend for at least a week or two.
  3. Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.
  4. Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.
  5. You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.
  6. Two-handed typing during cybersex!
  7. Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but you're 18, healthy and poor? Not a problem anymore!
  8. You'd be a shoe-in for Hollywood "Lizard Boy" roles.
  9. For once, it'll be the dog's turn to look at you with envy.
  10. You'd need Mick Jagger's lips & John Elway's teeth to stay in proportion.
  11. When picking nose, can "cut out the middle man."
  12. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin' picnic basket!
  13. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.
  14. Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second cleanest body part.
  15. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you can't help but question her motives.

Submitted By: Melissa
Apr 15, 1997 07:54

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: Misc list