Men's 43 Or So Rules For Women
- It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the
toilet UP when you are done.
- If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include
something from each of the four major male food groups:
Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
- Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
- Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the
fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are
cretins deserving your contempt.
- Shopping is not fascinating.
- When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only
- Unless the answer is yes.
- In which case, can he videotape it?
- If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking a--holes.
- The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick
and/or tending the grill.
- Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across
the room is not funny.
- Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
- Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble
(ie Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met
with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon
their infant when it walks for the first time.
- Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
- He heard you the first time.
- You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around
- If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really
want the answer to. [ed:to which you want the answer!]
- Of COURSE he wants another beer.
- The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
- Dogs good. Cats bad.
- Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
- If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have
to sit through "Showgirls".
- "Fine." is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
- Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting
he stop for directions.
- He was not looking at that other girl.
- Well, okay... maybe a little.
- Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never
looked at another guy...
- There is nothing inherently wrong with the word "c---".
- He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man
you have ever met.
- And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
- Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look
fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
- If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.
- It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual
flow with him.
- Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if
left in the shower.
- Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
- Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine,
Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to
wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
- Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you.
Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking
than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of
these people, love the one you're with.
- Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them
- His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly
thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
- Don't hog the covers.
- Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until
the halftime show to act upon that...
- He does not just want to be friends.
- A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence:
"You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here
having freaky circus sex all night?"
- Just because this list doesn't have as many entries as yours doesn't
mean it's worse.
Submitted By: Anonymous
This joke is rated: PG