50 Fun Ways To Order A Pizza

  1. Make up a charge card name. Ask if they accept it.
  2. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
  3. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
  4. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
  5. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
  6. Answer their questions with questions.
  7. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
  8. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
  9. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say, "crazy bread."
  10. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
  11. Crack your knuckles in the receiver.
  12. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
  13. Rattle off the order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
  14. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
  15. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractional pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
  16. Start your order with "I'd like...." A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't."
  17. If they repeat your order to make sure it's right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
  18. Rent a pizza.
  19. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
  20. Have your pizza shaken, not stirred.
  21. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
  22. Imitate the order taker's voice.
  23. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
  24. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
  25. Ask to see a menu.
  26. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
  27. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
  28. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
  29. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
  30. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
  31. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
  32. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
  33. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
  34. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
  35. Try to talk while drinking something.
  36. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
  37. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
  38. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
  39. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
  40. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
  41. Ask if they want to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
  42. Put them on hold.
  43. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
  44. Order a one-inch pizza.
  45. When they say, "Will that be all?" snicker and say, "We'll find out, now won't we?"
  46. Engage in some serious swapping.
  47. Order a steamed pizza.
  48. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
  49. Haggle.
  50. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your [time of day] wake-up call, [taker's name]." Hang up.

Submitted By: Anonymous
Feb 2, 2000 14:10

This joke is rated: PG