8 Days In The Woods As An Anti-Technology Activist
- Day 1:
- All is peaceful and right with the world. The freedom provided by the lack of restrictions imposed by "technological advancements" has allowed me to get in touch with myself. Also, I am naked.
- Day 2:
- The connection between myself and my fellow brothers, the animals, has grown strong. I am one with the land. An antpile or a stream can provide over 12 hours of endless entertainment. The woods gives to me, in the form of abundant plant life used to fuel my body. I give back to the land by defecating in a small hole.
- Day 3:
- On the third day I became embarassingly aware of my nakedness and covered myself with a fig newton wrapper that I found on the ground. The water is pure and unfiltered and the air hangs heavy with the stench of squirrel dung.
- Day 4:
- I have diarrhea.
- Day 5:
- There is nothing left to do in the forest that I haven't already done.
- Day 6:
- Exteme hunger has set in as I have found that bark and poison oak is not sufficient food to keep me going at my usual rate. In my hallucinations, my friend Screech ( Dustin Diamond, star of TV's " Saved By The Bell " ) offers me mashed potatoes, chick peas, and a big cold glass of Tang. None of this is available here.
- Day 7:
- Due to extreme hunger and unclear thought processes, I have eaten a whole live tortoise. The clouds are as fluffy as a bowl of fluffy clouds.
- Day 8:
- Lack of Neil Diamond records has forced me to consider vacating the woods in order to return to "normal society".
- Day 9:
- The ordeal is over. I sit fully clothed in a comfy rolling chair sipping Tang and typing onto a plain grey and green screen, my life as an anti-technology activist now officially over.
Submitted By: Best of: Humor Mailing List
Jul 6, 1999 14:09
This joke is rated: PG