The 9 Types Of Web Page Creators

Joe/Jane Average College Student
Traits: Owner of a new university supplied computer account with http access. Complete lack of originality. Multiple references to beer/Disney movies. Several photos of Student with college buddies (high school, if freshman Student).
The Good News: They don't know how to get their page linked to the outside world, so only they and their friends download their 16.7-million- color pictures from the last party.
The Bad News: They, their friends and their 16.7-million-color pictures might be on your server.
Mr. "Enhanced For Netscape"
Traits The second thing you see on his page is a Netscape logo and a link to an ftp site where you can download Netscape <BLINK>NOW!</BLINK>. The first thing you see is about 80 different <TITLE>s scrolling back and forth across your screen.
The Good News: You won't have to look at their pages for long, because there won't be much there to see.
The Bad News : Half of the rest of the people who look at their pages are going to think "Hey, that's cool!" and copy the source.
The old-timer
Traits: Pages compatible with HTML 1.0, no graphics and very few attribute tags. Normal-text-size message at top says "This page not enhanced for Netscape. Cope, whipper-snapper."
The Good News: He's likely there because he has something of importance to say.
The Bad News: Whatever it is will likely be boring or far too technical for you.
The 5-Year-Old
Traits: Pictures of their parents, the family pet, etc. More data about the daily life of a kindergartner than you thought possible. Cute "kiddy talk" dialect to the text. <ADDRESS> contains the note "such-and-such's mother helped her build this page."
The Good News: The first few of these you see give you a warm, fuzzy feeling.
The Bad News: The last few dozen of these you see all look the same.
The Computer Science Major
Traits: Links to the linux FAQ, the Geek Code, Star Wars theme music and DOOM .wad files. Cautious use of Netscape enhancements. Picture of Darth Vader instead of personal pictures. HTML 3.0 (Beta) compliant seal-of-approval at bottom of her page.
The Good News: If you're a geek, you'll find what you're looking for here. Even if you're not, you'll like the page design.
The Bad News: Complete lack of socially redeeming qualities. Unfortunate tendency to upload specs of their home PC.
The Businessman
Traits: Pages without fancy backgrounds and with only one nice, clean, image map. Unfortunately, there are no text links for those using Lynx.
The Good News: You won't go blind staring at his pages.
The Bad News: You might wish you had once you see the prices of the goods/services he's offering.
The Newbie
Traits: Very little created text on their pages, it's almost all links to other people's pages. Missing right brackets in <A HREF> s kill whole lines of information. Several image files are not able to be loaded.
The Good News: They'll almost have to get better.
The Bad News: They just might not.
The Egotist
Traits: Large image of themselves greets you when page is loading. 1/2 Meg .au file of him chatting with his dog. Access counts shown for every page. Several lengthy pages devoted to his compact disk/Magic card/beer bottle collection. More personal details than you'd ever want to know.
The Good News: There isn't any.
The Bad News: Frequently friendly with Mr. "Enhanced for Netscape."
The Maniac
Traits: Last counted 1267 .html files in his public_html directory and 100+ CGI scripts in his cgi-bin directory. Is known as a "Close Personal Friend of Bob [Allison]." Thinks the people at Yahoo! "don't keep up with the Web fast enough." Will be the first on his block to have an ethernet cable hardwired into his brain.
The Good News: You could go through all his pages and never find an error.
The Bad News: You'd never make it through all his pages.

Submitted By: Anonymous
May 14, 1998 13:48

This joke is rated: G