My Phone Is Evil

My phone is evil.

It is quiet sometimes. I get a sense of mastery over my universe. Then just when I think that it is safe to continue my reverie, It starts ringing.

It is unpredictable in ways. I am never sure just when It is going to ring. It is sneaky.

Its signal explodes into my environment, necessitating me to pick up Its receiver. With a sense of foreboding, I take this oddly shaped appendage into my hand, and cradle It next to my ear. There are words in there. Soon the words will be in here. My brain will be forced to process the words. I will then be forced to send words back. Is this really necessary?

The words are trivial, repetitive and boring. Perhaps they are evil as well. Becoming evil through osmosis as they pass through time, space, and Pacific Bell, the words bombard me.

My Voice Mail is evil as well. My Voice Mail saves up the words that the phone brings. I hate it when this happens.

My phone is evil.

My phone and fax machine do not get along. Manifesting a power play, It tends to sabotage the other. Currently, the fax machine is out of order; the phone smirks. Can't we all just get along?

My phone is evil.

Perhaps It impacts more than just the fax machine. My adding machine and my pencil sharpener have been acting up lately. It shares a work station with these other entities. Perhaps evil phone vibes radiate down into the desk counter , across, and up into other appliances. This could account for the mysterious electronic math mistakes, and for the violent destruction of #2 pencils.

But even though my phone is evil, It and I are heavily interdependent. I would not have a job without It. It lets me talk to friends. It lets me go to the Internet. Life is full of these little trade offs. I think that I can cope. It's only evil, after all.

~Ring! Ring!~

Submitted By: AF Waddell
Apr 19, 2000 08:12

This joke is rated: G