The David Duchovny School Of Drama

Scene: A darkened stage with a podium and a small movie screen. Actor David Duchovny enters from stage right, as the lighting increases only slightly. He approaches the podium, clears his throat, and begins to talk softly.

"Hello. You may know me only as Fox Mulder of The X Files, and not as an entrepreneur and teacher. I am here today to tell you about my new acting seminar that I call The Duchovny Less is More Acting Method. A much easier and simpler method than those promoted by Adler, Strasberg, or Stanislowski, it does not involve extreme exercises such as pretending to be a melting ice cream cone, or pretending to be torn apart by wild animals . . .

"No aspect of Method acting is utilized, therefore there are no messy and inconvenient experiences while 'living your character.' You need not experience major angst, horrible living conditions, substance abuse or other negative elements, in order to get into character for that big, dramatic, Oscar-worthy performance of a lifetime . . ."

David walks to the podium, stands behind it, and picks up a pointer as an X Files episode is screened behind him. The scene involves spooky electronic music, darkness, shadows, an unusual filtering of light, Gillian Anderson, an ethereal creature of some sort, and a big flashlight.
"Mulder!!....look out!...behind you!!..." exclaims Special Agent Dana Scully.

"Much emotion can be expressed by simple understated facial expression. The Repetitive Jaw Clench is effective for many scenes, as is The Semi-Smirk and The Eye Roll...." David explains as he uses his pointer to show us examples of each, on the viewing screen. "However, facial expression is not the only impactful element of my Duchovny Less Is More Acting Method. You will also receive the study of Subdued Physical Movement, and Creating Awesome Cheekbones By Sheer Force Of Will.

"All this and more is included in my intensive 5 day seminar. I urge you to take advantage of this special offer. The truth is in here. Thank you."

David smiles almost imperceptibly and exits stage left. Fade to black.

~Dont Ax Me Why~
~Duchovny Fan Who No Longer Watches X Files

Submitted By: AF Waddell
Aug 26, 2000 06:45

This joke is rated: PG