- love of my life,
- Assistant Principal
- local Police Chief,
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your
- next-door neighbor
- espresso maker
- body part that I shall not say
was severely damaged by my
- comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
- woefully underappreciated
prank. How could I have known that the
- jet ski
- lawn mower
- large helium ballon
- rodent driven sleigh
that i was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your
- petunia garden,
- 1/16 sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with lightbulb in the torch,
- priceless collection of Budweiser beer cans,
you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to
- pay for,
and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to
- hate me,
- sue me,
- give me a friday restriction,
- take my firstborn,
- gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in the pond in your backyard,
but I ask you to remember all the good times we've had joshing around at
- the local golf course,
- the municipal jail,
and to remember that I am first and foremost your
- distant relative.
- humble student.
- lease co-signer.
- only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant.
I think that counts for more than one prank especially one that
- was so stupid.
- was so silly.
- would have been funny if it had worked.
- you would have done yourself, if you thought of it first.
- I am going to use again on someone else.