Dear

1. mom,
2. dad,
3. love of my life,
4. Assistant Principal
5. local Police Chief,

Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your

1. house
2. pet
3. next-door neighbor
4. espresso maker
5. body part that I shall not say

was severely damaged by my

1. infantile
2. puerile
3. inept
4. comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
5. woefully underappreciated

prank. How could I have known that the

1. car
2. jet ski
3. lawn mower
4. large helium ballon
5. rodent driven sleigh

that i was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your

1. house,
2. wife,
3. petunia garden,
4. 1/16 sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with lightbulb in the torch,
5. priceless collection of Budweiser beer cans,

you must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to

1. imagine,
2. fathom,
3. comprehend,
4. appreciate,
5. pay for,

and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know that you are perfectly within your rights to

1. hate me,
2. sue me,
3. give me a friday restriction,
4. take my firstborn,
5. gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the fish in the pond in your backyard,

but I ask you to remember all the good times we've had joshing around at

1. school,
2. work,
3. church,
4. the local golf course,
5. the municipal jail,

and to remember that I am first and foremost your

1. friend.
2. distant relative.
3. humble student.
4. lease co-signer.
5. only possible match should you ever need a bone marrow transplant.

I think that counts for more than one prank especially one that

1. was so stupid.
2. was so silly.
3. would have been funny if it had worked.
4. you would have done yourself, if you thought of it first.
5. I am going to use again on someone else.

Sincerely,
Me.