If The Olympics Were In Arkansas
- Doves released during opening ceremonies are promptly shot by the crowd and sold as concession snacks.
- Little Rock's most famous strip club, "Peek-a-Boo Street", forced to change its name.
- In an amazing coincidence, every proposed Olympic venue turns out to be owned by Hillary Clinton.
- The Big Event? The 100m Sisterchase.
- No snow + No ice = Skiing through 10 inches of grits and skating on fresh bacon fat.
- Instead of shooting at boring targets, biathletes take aim at muskrats and ATF agents.
- Olympic officials attempt to pass off LeAnn Rimes' frantic yodeling as a medley of all the different national anthems, "includin' all them new Russian ones!"
- Metal detectors replaced with ringworm detectors.
- Teary-eyed awe of seeing Olympic Flame burn is replaced by teary-eyed *hyucks* of seeing Vern light his own gas.
- Urine drug test magically transformed into "Distance Pissing Competition."
- Olympic Village replaced with Olympic Trailer Park.
- Awards of gold, silver and bronze medals replaced by awards of gold, silver and bronze teeth.
- Curling now merely one part of the "Big Hair" competition.
- Opening Ceremony reduced to Roger Clinton with a Skynyrd tape and a trunk full of bottle rockets.
- Hometown favorites falter in ice skating competitions due to all them extra toes.
- Two words: Billy Bobsledding
Submitted By: Anonymous
Feb 19, 1998 21:38