The Bachelor Commandments
- Thou shalt always fool around on your girlfriend (that way when she
dumps you you can always get the last laugh).
- Thou shalt not hose thy girlfriends friends unless you're sure you can
get away with it AND you do it in her bed.
- Thou shalt never spend more than $100 without first getting in her pants.
- Thou shalt never marry the first girl you hose after getting out of a
"slump"
- Thou shalt never admit to being in a slump, it is always a "lull."
- Thou shalt always have beer in the fridge.
- Thou shalt always blow off your girlfriend at least once a month to get
drunk with your buddies.
- Thous shalt always forget to call when performing the previous commandment.
- Thou shalt never admit to "hogging," it is always "a temporary alcohol
induced standards derating."
- Thous shalt never go on a blind date with someone described as having
"a good personality."
- Thou shalt never turn down steady pussy until it violates number four or
number ten.
- Thou shalt never eat anything high in fiber or low in cholesterol.
- Thou shalt never drink non-alcoholic beer.
- Thou shalt never covet thy neighbor's wife unless she covets back.
- Thou shalt always leave the seat up.