How To Tell If You're Gonna Have A Bad Day

  • You wake up - face down on the pavement
  • You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
  • You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
  • You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your office
  • Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candle
  • Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business
  • You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party but there aren't any
  • You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city
  • Your twin sister forgets your birthday
  • You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize you don't have a waterbed
  • Your carhorn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of hells angels on the freeway
  • Your wife wakes up feeling amourous and YOU have a headache
  • Your boss tells you to not bother taking off you coat
  • The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
  • You wake up and your braces are locked together
  • You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your panty hose
  • You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business
  • Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife
  • Your income tax check bounces
  • You put both contact lenses in the same eye
  • Your pet rock snaps at you
  • Your wife says "Good morning Bill", and your name is George.

Submitted By: Anonymous

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: Advice list