Bears in the Woods

A hunter creeps through the forest. He eventually spots a black bear in a clearing. Carefully he takes aim and shoots the bear. He is congratulating himself when he feels a tap on his shoulder.

Turning around, he sees a massive brown bear behind him. "That was a terrible thing you did," says the brown bear, "and now you must pay the price. I will either rip you apart or rape you in the butt. Your choice." The hunter thinks for a moment, then drops his pants and bends over.

An hour later, the hunter staggers from the forest and limps to the hospital. The next day he hobbles home, thinking only of revenge on the bear. Soon he is back in the forest, stalking the bear. He eventually sees it by a river, and quickly he shoots it dead.

"Yes!" yells the hunter as he feels the thrill of revenge. But then, without warning, he feels a tap on his shoulder. Turning around slowly, he sees a gargantuan grizzly bear behind him.

"You have done a terrible thing," intones the bear in a deep voice, "now you have a choice: either I maul you to death, or I rape you in the butt." Shuddering, the hunter drops his pants and bends over.

Three hours later, the hunter crawls from the forest. He is released from the hospital after a week of anal surgeries to fix his colon. He thought of nothing but revenge on the grizzly bear during the ordeal. Now, he is back in the woods, looking for the grizzly.

He spots it catching salmon, and shoots it down from the forest. "Haha!" yells the hunter, jumping up and down. But then he feels a tap on his shoulder.

Quickly the hunter spins around, unable to believe what is happening. "No!" he screams in disbelief, for there is a gigantic polar bear right behind him. "Hey buddy," says the polar bear, "I'm starting to think you don't come here for the hunting."


Submitted By: Anonymous
Feb 13 2010 18:55

This joke is rated: R