Classy Classifieds

'Spell-check' is not always the answer; sometime proofreading is necessary. Enjoy the following bloopers created by writing 'experts'...

The following are actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers. . . . . . .

  • Illiterate? Write today for free help.
  • Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
  • Our experienced Mom will care for your child.. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
  • Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
  • Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
  • Stock up and save. Limit: one.
  • Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
  • 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
  • Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
  • Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
  • Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
  • For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
  • Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
  • We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
  • For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
  • Great Dames for sale.
  • Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
  • Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
  • Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
  • Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
  • For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
  • Man, honest. Will take anything.
  • Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
  • Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
  • Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
  • Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
  • Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
  • Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
  • And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
  • We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Submitted By: Marcus Perry
Dec 23, 1997 11:29

This joke is rated: PG