The Top 16 Sign The Cowboys Are Still In Trouble With The Law
- It's mid-March and they're *still* on the front page.
- More coke sold in the locker room than the concession stands.
- Prior convictions now listed on backs of trading cards.
- Receivers have to check in with parole officer before running
- To save time, they schedule press conferences to take place
during the police lineup.
- Instead of "First And Ten," it's "Five to Ten, with time off for
- Due to parole restrictions, some players are only allowed to play
in home games.
- "Today's halftime entertainment is brought to you by the Riker's
Island Death Row Marching Band."
- Cornerback incapable of covering opponents due to poorly phrased
restraining order requiring him to stay 50 feet away from anyone
wearing "tight pants and spikes."
- Players frequently going over to Williams' house to watch "game
- That kid in the tunnel after the game doesn't want your jersey, he
wants a gram.
- The Goodyear Blimp has taken to following certain players 24 hours
- Spiffy blue and silver uniform replaced with spiffy orange
- Tommy Lee Jones is covering your wide receiver.
- Starting quarterback has spent more years at State Pen then he did
at Penn State.
- Your star running back's new position is "spouse of the man with
the most cigarettes."