Are You A Democrat Or A Republican?

  1. What is your personal income level? Is it:
    • Too much!
    • Not enough money, but any more would make me evil.
    • Whatever the government lets me keep.
    • Money is a tool of the capitalistic overclass which etcetera etcetera etcetera.
    • I have no income. I've rejected money and illegally inhabit a national park.
  2. Describe your family:
    • I'm married with three kids. Oh, and a live-in transsexual who joins us in our orgies.
    • The rules of the commune prohibit disclosing personal information.
    • I don't believe in families.
    • I don't believe in the word "describe."
  3. What is the most politically incorrect thing about Scooby Doo?
    • Daphne never does anything but stand around and look pretty.
    • Scooby was never referred to as a Canine-American.
    • Velma is such a lesbian stereotype.
    • Shaggy never shares his marijuana.
    • "Scooby Snack" reward system encourages mass consumption.
    • Criminals are actually put in prison.
  4. There's this weird drunk hanging out in front of your home. Do you
    • Give him two bucks and think highly of yourself.
    • Direct him to a government agency that will help him.
    • Start a government agency that will help him.
    • Respect his personal choice.
    • Give Senator Kennedy a ride home.
  5. I'm against school vouchers because...
    • Bad teachers need jobs too!
    • The NEA is against it, and a labor union certainly wouldn't do anything in its own interest.
    • A monopoly always yields better results than competition.
  6. Bill Clinton's Welfare Reform Policy is:
    • A document with "GOP" scribbled out & "Bill's" written in with a fat purple magic marker.
    • "It's a trap that discourages work & rewards illegitimacy, and we're keeping it."
    • What would you like it to be?
    • What time is it?
  7. Bill Clinton's Official Drug Policy is:
    • Whatever the Republicans are currently working on.
    • A new poster: "Don't Be A Shaggy; Share Your Drugs!"
    • White House aides using drugs won't be allowed to work unless they're Democrats.
    • "Just say no to inhaling!"
    • What would you like it to be?
    • What time is it?
  8. Why do you admire Hillary Clinton?
    • Anyone who can make $100K without knowing cattle futures deserves admiring.
    • The only dead people I can conjure up are Paul Lynde and Redd Foxx.
    • If only I could lie so convincingly!
    • Hey! She puts up with Bill! Give her some credit.
    • We need more strong, intelligent women in prison.
  9. What would Bill Clinton have to do for you to not vote for him?
    • Develop a big ugly eyestalk in the middle of his forehead.
    • Appear in a remake of "Bedtime for Bonzo."
    • Claim to be "more famous than JFK!"
    • Wear a t-shirt showing a bullet-riddled Snoopy.
    • Annex the Sudetenland and kill six million Jews.
    • Join the Republican party.
  10. If Bill and Hillary discovered _________ in Chelsea's room, they would disown her. ONLY ONE ANSWER IS CORRECT.
    • Condoms.
    • Marijuana.
    • Cocaine.
    • A videotape with a note: "It was fun! Here's a copy--Rob Lowe"
    • An antique German lampshade with a registration tattoo on it.
    • "The Way Things Oughta Be" by Rush Limbaugh.
  11. Al Gore's dynamic speech pattern makes him an excellent choice for the position of:
    • Vice President.
    • President.
    • Governor.
    • Senator.
    • Environmental spokesman.
    • TalkieToy Robot recorded voice.
    • Kindergarten teacher.
  12. Bill Clinton strongly believes in
    • Bill Clinton.
    • Bill Clinton.
    • Bill Clinton.
    • Bill Clinton.
  13. There is a logical, believeable way that missing Whitewater documents showed up in the White House reading room that adjoins Hillary's office after the administration claimed to have handed over all relevant documents:
    • They were being used to line Sock's box.
    • Time-travelling KGB spies plotting to avenge the fall of communism.
    • They had been blank sheets of paper until Bill spilled lemon juice on them.
    • That rascally David Copperfield again!
    • Hillary had them.
IF you think this is a humor page, you're a Republican.
IF you had a hard time picking the best answer because they're all so true, you're a Democrat.

Submitted By: Anonymous
Feb 10, 1998 13:17

This joke is rated: G