Dilbert Rules Of Work

  • If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
  • A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
  • Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
  • After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
  • The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  • When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  • If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
  • There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
  • Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
  • Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
  • Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a c---tail hour.
  • To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
  • Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
  • Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
  • If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
  • You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by you desk.



Submitted By: Ed Chidester
1/8/97

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: geek Work list