What Doctors Really Mean
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking.
- "This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- "Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- "Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.
- "We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- "Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
- "Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- "I'd like to have my associate look at you."
He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
- "That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
- "This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
- "This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- "Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
- "I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?"
You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me ...
- "There is a lot of that going around."
My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.
- "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week.
Submitted By: Anonymous
May 6, 1998 08:03
This joke is rated: G