Things NOT To Say To Your Pregnant Wife
- "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
- "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"
- "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
- "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
- "Damn if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
- "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."
- "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
- "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
- "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
- "Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!"
- "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
- "Got milk?"
- "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
- "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
- "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."
- "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger, Lardass."
- "Sure you'll get your figure back -- we'll just search 1985 where you left it."
- "Keys are on the fridge, honey. I'll see you at the hospital at half-time."
- "Sure, the doctor said you're eating for two - but he didn't mean two orcas."
- "Honey -- Come show the guys your Brando impression!"
- "Roseanne, what have you done with my wife?!"
- "How come you're so much fatter than the other chicks in Lamaze?"
- "Sweetheart, where'd you put that Victoria's Secret catalog?"
- "What's the big deal? If you can handle *me* going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out."
- "Hey, when you're finished pukin' in there, get me a beer, willya?"
- "Why in the *world* would I want to rub your feet?"
- "That's not a bun in the oven -- it's the whole friggin' bakery!"
- "You know, now that you mention it, you *are* getting fat and unattractive."
- "Oh, this is just great! Now, on top of everything else, child support."
- "Yo, Fatass! You're blocking the TV!"
- "No, I don't know where the remote is! Have you looked under your breasts?"
- "I know today's your due date, but Larry just got a 10 point buck and that's a reason to celebrate, too."
Submitted By: Anonymous
Dec 23, 1997 18:30
This joke is rated: PG