Why 'Sports Scholarship' Is An Oxymoron

  • "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle"
    -- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
  • "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
    -- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker
  • "You guys line up alphabetically by height"
    -- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
  • "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
    -- Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements
  • "I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class"
    -- George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach
  • "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
    -- Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King
  • "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
    -- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
  • "The ballparks have gotten too crowded. That's why nobody goes to see the game anymore."
    -- Yogi Berra
  • "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
    -- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
  • "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    -- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann

Submitted By: Kelli
Jan 3, 1998 10:21

This joke is rated: PG