Explaining Male Statements

  • "I'm going fishing."
    Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
  • "It's a guy thing."
    Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
  • "Can I help with dinner?"
    Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"
  • "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
    Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
  • "It would take too long to explain."
    Really means..."I have no idea how it works.
  • "We're going to be late."
    Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
  • "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
    Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
  • "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
    Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
  • "That's interesting, dear."
    Really means...."Are you still talking?"
  • It's a really good movie."
    Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."
  • "That's women's work."
    Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
  • "You know how bad my memory is."
    Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
  • "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
    Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
  • "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
    Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
  • "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
    Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
  • "I can't find it."
    Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
  • "What did I do this time?"
    Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
  • "I heard you."
    Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
  • "You know I could never love anyone else."
    Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
  • "You look terrific."
    Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
  • "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
    Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."
  • "We share the housework."
    Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

Submitted By: Anonymous
Aug 21, 1998 08:05

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: Gender list