Explaining Male Statements
- "I'm going fishing."
Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
- "It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
- "Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"
- "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
- "It would take too long to explain."
Really means..."I have no idea how it works.
- "We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
- "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
- "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
- "That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"
- It's a really good movie."
Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."
- "That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
- "You know how bad my memory is."
Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
- "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
- "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
- "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
- "I can't find it."
Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
- "What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
- "I heard you."
Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
- "You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
- "You look terrific."
Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
- "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."
- "We share the housework."
Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
Submitted By: Anonymous
Aug 21, 1998 08:05
This joke is rated: PG