The All-Purpose-All-In-One-Gift-Allowance-Index

Base Rate

How many months have you been going out?
For the first six months, allow $10.00 for every month:
For the second six months, $5.00 for each additional month:
For more than a year, $1.00 for each additional month:


Bonuses and Penalties

If she:
has not yet "put out", subtract $5.00 per month:
has "put out", add a nickel for every month:
can cook a good meal, add $0.50:
quietly brings you beer during football games add $1.00:
"nags", subtract a $1.37 per month:
For an A cup, subtract $2.03:
    For every:
  • cup size over B add $1.02
  • inch of chest over 30" add $.13
  • pound over 120 lbs subtract $0.54
If her butt is so tight you can bounce a quarter, add the quarter. =



- If the total is less than the cost of a piece of Bazooka Bubble gum(Tm), then you must give her what she really wants this holiday, a ring:
  1. Dial her phone number,
  2. RING
  3. 'hello'
  4. 'Hey baby, merry christmas.'
  5. Hang up the phone.

I hope this list makes your Christmas shopping easier. Unfortunately you still have to think-up your own gift ideas. May I suggest a pair of knee pads and a bottle of Scope(Tm).

Submitted By: Unknown
Jul 24, 1997 01:12

This joke is rated: PG