FACULTY: Dick Long (Chair), I.M. Hornee, Marcia Baud-Acious, Willy Mauser (on leave), Kristine Minx, Candy Samples, Claude Dickey

Human Sexuality courses focus on the processes of human reproduction, mating and copulation. Among the questions raise by human sexuality are these: How does the average American get some? How can I get some? How can I satisfy my mate? How can I get some without spending a lot of money? How many different positions are there? How can I get some without begging? How can I get a lot? Human sexuality offers both a grasp of the various answers that have been provided for these questions and how to choose among these answers.

Since a core of questions as well as a base of experience to draw on are important, students will be expected to take the introductory course, Human Sexuality 101. This course provides the necessary background for further pursuit in the course.

Recent graduates from the department have undertaken careers in a number of different fields: service/customer satisfaction, filmmaking, government service, law, teaching, and the clergy - particularly envangalism.

Advanced placement can be given with instructor approval or demonstration of mastery of techniques. Senior citizen auditors are welcome for all classes.

THE MAJOR: A minimum of 32 credits. Required are Introduction to Human Sexuality 101, three 200-level courses, and two 300-level courses

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101 Introduction to Human Sexuality

An overview of human sexuality. Students are guided through the rudiments of sexual activity. The question "How can I get some?" will be a central point throughout the semester. Other areas of study include contraception, the financial aspect of sex, music and sex, innuendo, candlelight and sex, and expensive dinners and sex. The question "How can I get alot?" will be examined late in the semester, though the question will never be answered. Lab required.

131 Introduction to Sexual Techniques

An introduction to various sexual techniques that will be required for successful completion of the major. Students will be taken through kissing and light petting to heavy fondling to actual intercourse in as many positions as time allows. Recommended for those with little background in coursework or for those who need refresher training. One lab a week.

209 History of Sex

This course traces the history of sex from its beginning in the Garden of Eden up until present times. Particular attention will be payed to positions; from the early Archimedes' screw to the Missionary position adopted by most missionaries and everybody else. Famous (censored) works will be read in an attempt to uncover the vast and sorted history of sex.

214-215 Fetishes

An extensive look at sexual fetishes and fantasies. First semester is an examination of feather dusters, silk scarves, toe licking, and feather boas. Second semester deals with leather, handcuffs, ropes, chains, and whips, and seven-inch spiked heels. Prerequisite: Your own dog collar

230 Teasing and Saying No

The hazards as well as the rewards of teasing. Male participation will consist of oral exercises and economic consideration (begging and buying expensive gifts), while the female participation will involve oral exercises and biological introspection (saying no and getting a headache)

Special attention will be paid to cold showers. Prerequisite: High level of sexual frustration

245 Advanced Petting

For the truly cautious lover, this course is offered to bridge the gap between the introductory courses and the more advanced stages of sex. Students will get a firm grasp of their subjects. A hands-on class with little or no discussion.

263 Phallic Symbols and Civilization

Phallic symbols will be examined, with frequent trips outside of class to examine these symbols in nature. The grocery store will offer looks at hot dogs, cucumbers, polish sausages, and pickles. Trips abroad will reveal the majesty of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Empire State Building, and the ever-popular Washington Monument. Phallic symbols and how they affect the way we think and act. Prerequisite: Your favorite phallic symbol

265 Sexual Ethics

This course will address the basic ethical problems of sex. Inherent moral questions will be asked, such as "How many hours should I know someone before I have sex with them?", "Is it okay to make him sleep in the wet spot?", "How can I keep from laughing as he undresses?", "How much should I tip?", "Should I applaud?", and "Why do they always say 'Was it good for you'?". All attempts will be made to remove moral behavior an replace it with the Lascivian Code of Sexual Ethics.

277 Sex Symbols Throughout the Ages

We will examine sexy people throughout history like Cleopatra, who was 4'2" and weighed 150 lbs. Mark Antony, however, found that she didn't have to drop to her knees and he could rest his drink on her head while she 'worked'. Other sex symbols will be examined: Jayne Mansfield, Rudolph Valentino, Cheryl Tiegs, and Rob Lowe. What makes a sex symbols? Why do we get horny when we look at them? How did Billy Joel get a babe like Christy Brinkley? For that matter, why on earth did Marilyn Monroe marry both Joe DeMaggio and Arthur Miller? I mean, I can see boffing, JFK, but MILLER? Gimme a break.

281 Sex and the Workplace

Sex and your job and how they relate. Sex is a reality of the workplace. Sometimes, sex is a reality IN the workplace, but that's another story altogether. Sex is a useful tool and can be used to your advantage. We will examine people who have used sex to advance themselves in their jobs. Special guest speakers: Jim Bakker, Gary Hart, Jimmy Swaggart. An internship as a Senatorial page, altar boy, etc., is suggested here. Prerequisite: A high-ranking government job

301 Autoeroticism

No, this is NOT having sex in a car. Playing with yourself will be the focus of this course. We will look at the taboo of 'spanking your monkey till it pukes', and the many facets of self-pleasure for both men and women. A special individual project will be available for the truly advanced student.

311 Homo/Bisexuality

Woody Allen once said "Being bisexual automatically doubles your chances for a date." Attention will be paid to anal sex, lubrication, and the concealing of small, furry mammals.

325-326 Deviant Fetishes

The first semester includes an in-depth look at heavy S & M. Duct tape, rubber diapers, and whips will be used. Second semester will involve groups, animals, groups of animals, necrophelia, incest, and naked midget oil wrestling, among other things.

352 Silly Names for Genitalia

This course is entirely devoted to the human inability to refer to their private parts by their medical terminology. Males, especially, have a great deal of trouble saying the word...the word...well, THAT word. You know the one. Your weenie. Your wacker, pole, shaft, rode, gun, love machine. Your one-eyed wonder worm. Your throbbing python of love. Your c---. Yeah. That's the one.

369 Oral Sex

An in-depth examination of fellatio and cunninlingus with special emphasis on the lips, teeth and tongue. Recommended: Sam Kinison's "Licking The Alphabet" routine

416 Adult Films

Students will study the process of making one-day, shot-on-videotape blue move on a $3000 budget. They will watch many, many adult films in a carefully reproduced adult theater, complete with old men wearing their overcoats backwards, and cum stains on the seats. At the end of the semester, students will have the opportunity to produce and star in their own porn movie.

483 The Kama Sutra

This course, for advanced students only, will study the ancient Kama Sutra, the oriental guide to complete lovemaking. Students will be expected to be proficient in every single thing in the book and to go through it at least once. There will be regular tests as well as many 'pop' quizzes. Recommended for majors only