It's Great To Be A Woman

  1. we can get laid anytime we want
  2. we never have to buy our own drinks at the bar
  3. we piss sitting down so its easier to pass out on the toilet when youre drunk
  4. we get out of speeding tickets by crying
  5. we get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg
  6. we can sleep our way to the top of the class
  7. we get to shop at Victoria's Secret
  8. we can marry rich and then not have to work
  9. we never have to pay when we go out on dates
  10. men take us on all expense paid trips- all we have to do issleep with them
  11. men light our cigarettes for us
  12. men hold the door open for us
  13. we pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!)
  14. we're cuter
  15. we lie better
  16. we're better manipulators
  17. we always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with ourother halves- you guys get the couch
  18. we always have food in the fridge
  19. when we cook, it doesnt precede a trip to the ER or a visit fromthe fire dept
  20. we always get to choose the movie
  21. we dont have to mow the lawn
  22. we dont have to take out the garbage
  23. we dont have to paint the house or walls
  24. PMS- yet another excuse to bitch at men
  25. cosmopolitan
  26. we can con our way out of anything- not just dig ourselvesdeeper into a hole
  27. men unlock our side of the car first- a real bonus when its cold
  28. PMS is a legal defense for murder
  29. men are like tiles, lay em right the first time ya can walk allover em forever
  30. we can masturbate more in a day than men
  31. 2 words- multi orgasmic
  32. we dont have to constantly adjust our genitals
  33. sweat is sexy on us
  34. we never run out of excuses
  35. you guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but wecould be having it that often
  36. doggie style- that way we get to watch the game too
  37. we get expensive jewelery as gifts that we NEVER have to giveback
  38. we get candy, flowers and jewelery all the time cuz men f--- upso often
  39. we can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower inthe corner
  40. women are cleaner
  41. women have more than one erogenous zone (in case you guys didntknow)
  42. we're better arguers
  43. we dont always have to think with our genitals
  44. massage!!!!
  45. we're better parents
  46. we never have to sit home alone on a weekend night
  47. there's never a shortage of ready, willing and able men
  48. we're flexible
  49. when women get pissed we dont destroy property or hurt people-we just take it out on the world in general because we can
  50. menopause- thank god we're not capable of having children afterwe're 50
  51. menstruation- just another excuse to use so we can say "no" tosex
  52. men in uniform
  53. there is no penis envy
  54. we can just roll over and go to sleep after we masturbatebecause there's no messy clean-up
  55. it generally takes us less to get drunk
  56. we have a higher tolerance to pain
  57. we often get to cut in line
  58. most women actually look good in short shorts- men DONT
  59. better tips
  60. women who dont wear underwear are considered sexy and wild, whenmen do it, its rather disgusting
  61. we have mastered civilized eating- we dont embarass our friendsor make loud bodily noises in public
  62. women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look orsmell disgusting- thank god for long pants and perfume!
  63. we can connive men into doing our homework, writing our papersor carrying our books anytime we want
  64. we dont have excessive amounts of body hair
  65. we dont spend 45 minutes on the toilet
  66. men will pay us for sex
  67. smoking the seeds in marijuana doesnt make us sterile
  68. we can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return
  69. men may fantasize about having sex with more than one woman at atime, but we can have sex with an entire football team at once if wewant
  70. men walk on theside of the sidewalk closest to the road so thatif a car hits us, he gets hurt not us
  71. women sweat less
  72. women smell better
  73. when women make their boyfriends mad, we dont have to wastemoney on flowers or cards- a b---j-- and sex fixes all
  74. men are more often serial killers, thieves, rapists and cheats
  75. women dont get the humor in the three stooges
  76. women have three accessible holes
  77. we don't get embarassed when buying tampons
  78. we're better gossips
  79. we have better fasion sense
  80. we're better shoppers
  81. we dont have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man
  82. our friends dont pick on us if we arent sleeping with anyone
  83. men dont know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and im notgonna tell you)
  84. we're all sittin on a gold mine- we know it and use it to ourextreme advantage
  85. we dont have to drive when on a date
  86. an ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to becomepresentable- ugly men are just f---ed
  87. women can use the old "that mark on my neck is from a curlingiron burn" line
  88. women know how fake it
  89. women look better naked
  90. we know that rhythm doesnt only pertain to dancing
  91. when women are short, we're petite, when men are short, they'rejust short
  92. women do less time for violent crime
  93. women dont have to worry about not being able to get it up
  94. an oblong vegetable is all we need for a good time anynight
  95. womens conversations generally consist of more than just "uhhuh, yep ok then bye"
  96. women dont need an excuse to be in a bad mood
  97. women never have to see combat
  98. the remote control is not an extension of ourselves
  99. women are sexier
  100. we can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it!

Submitted By: Anonymous
Mar 3, 1998 12:30

This joke is rated: PG