This originally appeared in Computoredge. A much different version was also in The Boston Phoenix.
One thing is certain. Wall Street loves the net. These days, any company remotely connected to the Internet is seeing its stock soar. Witness online bookseller Amazon.com whose stock in 1998 climbed from about 30 to over 300. Not bad for a year's work. Other big Internet companies like Yahoo, eBay, and Excite have had similar good times, but lesser known Internet stocks are making their investors just as much money. Recently, I asked around and found out which new Internet stocks are expected to perform best in the upcoming months. I did this merely as a selfless act so that I could help you, the loyal reader, make some money. No commission at all is necessary -- unless, of course, you would like to give me one.
Greg's T-shirt Collection and Pictures of His Cat Page
Since last December, when it became the first ever personal web page to have an initial public offering, Greg's T-shirt Collection and Pictures of His Cat Page (Nasdaq: GREG) has seen its stock increase over 450%. "Actually I don't know what it is, but it's on the Internet, so I'd sure as hell buy it." Merrill Lynch analyst Richard Rall said. Investors have flocked to this stock because in addition to featuring many pictures of Greg Jackson's cat Mr. Tibbles, the site also serves the public by listing all 11,138 of Greg's T-shirts. And hundreds of T-shirts are being added each month. "What can I say? I just love T-shirts." Greg recently told The Wall Street Journal.
Internet Buzzwords, Inc.
This company which specializes in coining Internet buzzwords has seen its stock climb 567 % since it began trading in December. Responsible for creating such well-known Internet terms as "content provider" and "portal," Internet Buzzwords (Nasdaq: BUZZ) is currently working on an easier-to-remember term for carpal tunnel syndrome. According to Paine Webber's Rebecca Bell, "This is a real growth stock, because the Internet will always have, you know, thingamajigs that need to be named."
Jenni Cam, a site featuring a young woman who likes to prance around naked in front of a web camera, has long been an Internet favorite. And now Wall Street is taking notice too. Shares of Jenni Cam (Nasdaq: JENNI) have risen an astounding 637% since the beginning of the year. "Honestly, we don't know why it's such a good stock, but you know she's really hot and sometimes she prances around naked in front of the camera." CNBC's Ted Maxwell reported recently.
Buy-internet-stocks-here.com, an online brokerage firm that focuses exclusively on Internet stocks, went public itself just last week. Amazingly, it is now trading at over $300 a share despite coming on the market with a price of only 3 1/8. "This is a must buy. As Internet stocks continue to grow in popularity, so will this one." Internet stock analyst Tyler Zevin remarked. "Hell, I'd go there myself if only I knew how to log on."
Complex Internet Stuff, Inc.
This company which creates Internet stuff too complex for most Wall Street analysts to understand, has seen its stock gain 917% in the past week alone. "They are the dominant world leader in the entire Internet-stuff-too-complex-for-Wall-Street-analysts-to-understand industry. Two thumbs up. Way way up!" Salomon Smith Barney's George Ferdinand wrote.
Dot Com, Inc.
Actually, this company sells mothballs, but since changing its name to Dot Com on Friday, its stock has jumped over 1300% "Um, I think it's an Internet stock, right?" Terry Kinnaird of Morgan Stanley Dean Witter asked.
|Copyright 1999 by Joe Lavin
Joe Lavin's Humor Column is published every Tuesday at: http://joelavin.com
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