Follow That Truck

Timeline on breaking developments in Campaign 2000:

8:15 a.m.:
With TV helicopters providing live coverage, Ryder rental truck containing more than one million South Florida ballots, and driven by Joe Lieberman, sets out on the long journey to Tallahassee.
8:17 a.m.:
Ryder truck rammed by Buick driven by Bob Dole.
8:35 a.m.:
Dick Cheney arrives in Austin with future Secretary of State Colin Powell. They meet with George W. Bush, thank him for his efforts during the campaign, and discuss possible roles for Bush in the Cheney-Powell administration.
8:37 a.m.:
Al Gore, having appeared on every major network in 24 hours to explain why he should be president, telephones CNN executives and asks if he can argue the "Left" position on "Crossfire." Executives say they do not have an opening until the middle of next week.
8:55 a.m.:
Republican legislators in Tallahassee call a special emergency session to deal with the possibility that the election will end without any of them becoming famous.
9:07 a.m.:
Attorneys for Gore, saying time is of the essence, ask a Florida circuit court judge to order an immediate recount of the recount of the recount of the original vote count, this time using a "base 4" numeric system. The judge responds with a backwoods adage involving a polecat, chewing tobacco and a sinkhole that reporters agree is completely incomprehensible.
9:21 a.m.:
Ryder truck apparently takes wrong turn at famed "Golden Glades" interchange and begins driving south, toward Key West.
9:32 a.m.:
Back in Texas, negotiations with Bush break down momentarily when Bush demands Wednesdays off.
9:44 a.m.:
Al Gore appears as special guest in third hour of "The Today Show," following segment on new techniques for whisking egg whites.
10:00 a.m.:
Attorneys for Gore, to save time, file appeals of "possible future rulings" by various courts in Florida. Gore attorney David Boies issues a "provisional" denunciation of unfair and unconstitutional rulings "should they occur." In West Palm Beach, more than 3,000 citizens who believe they inadvertently voted for Pat Buchanan hold a rally. Hundreds are taken to the hospital with facial injuries after walking accidentally into a telephone pole.
10:22 a.m.:
Bush demands his own parking space. Cheney and Powell say they can probably work something out. Bush, relieved, agrees to serve vaguely-defined role as "special adviser to the Vice President."
11:02 a.m.:
Attorneys for Gore say that, if they lose at the U.S. Supreme Court, they will appeal the case to an international tribunal in The Hague.
12:01 p.m.:
TV helicopters sight Ryder truck on a ship heading across the Florida Straits, toward Cuba.
12:50 p.m.:
Tim Russert, doodling with Electoral College numbers on white slate, suddenly discovers the elusive "simple proof" of Fermat's Last Theorem.

"Rough Draft" appears at as an island of sanity and logic in a great roiling sea of vitriol and absurdity.

© 2000 The Washington Post

Submitted By: Doug "Yes that's my real name" Sunshine
Dec 5, 2000 07:07

This joke is rated: PG