What We've Learned From The Movies
- During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit
a strip club at least once.
- All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to
the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
- It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
someone in the control tower to talk you down.
- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
- The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding
place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can
travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
- If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
- You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it
will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
- If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or
killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or
his forthcoming art exhibition.
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
through it before long.
- The Chief of Police is always black.
- When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take
out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always
be the exact fare.
- Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from
elsewhere in the universe.
- Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
- Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will
always say: Enter Password Now.
- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their
family every morning even though their husband and children never have
time to eat it.
- Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
- The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective -
or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size
of RFK Stadium.
- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
- Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at
an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will
have lost this technology.
- Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and
- It is not necessary to say hello or good-bye when beginning or
ending phone conversations.
- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right
every few moments.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large
red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
- It is always possible to park directly outside the building
you are visiting.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you
bump into will know all the steps.
- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack
you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you
have knocked out their predecessors.
- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head,
they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
- No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
- Police Departments give their officers personality tests to
make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is
their total opposite.
- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
- You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in
seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child
- An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will
cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects
you personally at that precise moment.
- The average hotel pool is deep enough for you to survive a
fall from any floor.
- An Asian crime lord will always have a beautiful daughter
named either "Jade" or "Lotus Blossom."
- Traveling between any two points in New York City will always
take you past the Statue of Liberty, Lincoln Center, Washington Square
Park, and the New York Public Library.
- By the 23rd Century, everyone in the human race will be
beautiful. Humanity will compensate for this by wearing awful clothes.
- Most dogs are immortal.
Submitted By: Bruce mackey
Jan 8, 1998 09:02
This joke is rated: G