How To Liven Your Day

  1. Secretly replace the baby's formula with Folger's Crystals.
  2. Get a couple of old refrigerator boxes and paint them up to look like a toll booth. Set it up on your favorite street corner and watch the quarters roll in.
  3. Make yourself up like you've been in a horrible, mutilating accident, then go to the emergency room of the nearest hospital. When approached by a nurse or doctor, say, "No, thank-you, I'm just browsing."
  4. Call the Microsoft Support Line and insist on speaking directly to Bill Gates. Tell them that MS-DOS was your idea and you demand royalties. Demand Bill's home phone number. Get verbally abusive when they refuse you.
  5. Two words: Cherry Bomb.
  6. Make two dinner revservations at the finest restaurant you can find, then dress yourself and a goat in tuxedos. When the Management refuses you service, insist that the animal is a seeing-eye goat. For added effect, feed the goat a few boxes of EX-LAX before you arrive.
  7. Join the Ku Klux Klan and when you find out where the next cross-burning will be held, invite 70-80 of your best, biggest and strongest African-American friends. Have them remove their sheets at a predetermined moment.
  8. Order a pizza and tell them to "hold" the crust.
  9. Tape computer boards and cards all over your body and walk around the streets screaming, "I'M STEVE AUSTIN, THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN!!!"
  10. Crochet' a doiley!

Submitted By: Anonymous
Dec 17, 1997 16:50

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: Advice list