Pie Assassin

As you all know, I am a world reknowned Tree Hunter. What I am for the first time bringing to the open table is my formerly secret day job. I am a Pie Assassin; a Clown-For-Hire. Nobody suspects the clown, which is what makes my job such the perfect crime. Unfortunately, the embarassment factor usually keeps my attacks out of the press (most are private hits).

Now for some Questions: NOVLAct

  • This sounds like an enjoyable occupation. Are there lots of openings?
    There are a few. Basically we require a BSCC (Bachelor of Science in Clown College) from a reputable institution. My uncle Vito could get you the documents, but my agency would not accept that.
  • Do you work through an agency?
    In a word - Yes. KBANG. Kentucky Baking Association of Northern Georgia. Yes, we are all embarrassed about working out of Kentucky, but it is a good organization. Excellent benefits including a weight loss program.
  • Is there a busy season?
  • But are you in conflict about quitting your day job? I imagine that after having a taste of Tree Hunting, other things pale by comparison.
    Not really. Tree hunting helps me unwind. There is something peaceful about stealthfully lying in wait for a savage overgrown herb. But, I try not to let the two jobs interfere with each other. Though, there was one time when I had been tracking this one particular b@stard of a tree all day and finally had him trapped when I remembered that I was running late for a hit. Not having time to change (and having left my floppy shoes at home), I had to wear my hunting boots to the job. I missed the pie and lost my balance, falling onto the congressional floor! Luckily, I was able to blend into the crowd (they really are a bunch of clowns) created in the resulting confusion.
    Yes, Tree Hunting is my passion, but KBANG pays the bills. -Mike Biancaniello

Submitted By: Mike Biancaniello
Sep 10, 1998 08:35

This joke is rated: G