Quick Clinton Jokes
  1. What California city can't Bill get off his mind lately?
    Scent o' Monica.
  2. Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird?
    The Spread Eagle.
  3. How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    None, they're too busy screwing the President.
  4. What is Clinton's favorite toy?
    An Erector Set.
  5. What is Clinton's favorite card game?
    Poker.
  6. What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
    An intern with braces.
  7. How did they finally bust Clinton?
    Monica finally coughed up the evidence.
  8. During Nixon's administration we had a crisis involving "Tricky Dicky."
    Now we have a crisis involving "Licky Dicky."
  9. What's Slick Willie's new nickname?
    President-erect.
  10. What do the Nixon Whitehouse and the Clinton Whitehouse have in common?
    Two Dicks out of control.
  11. What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Hilary? "My little buttercup."
    What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Monica? "My little suction cup."
  12. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is now working for 7-11?
    She's endorsing the "Big Gulp."
  13. Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
    To promote off-shore drilling.
  14. Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
    He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
  15. Why does Clinton swim naked in the White House pool?
    He is trolling for interns.
  16. What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name?
    Unibanger.
  17. Why can't they prove anything in the Monica Lewinsky case?
    Because she swallowed the evidence.
  18. How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching" Monica's testimony?
    "It wasn't words that I put in her mouth!"
  19. Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
    The nation.
  20. What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?
    Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.
  21. What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
    They were both upset when Bill finished first.
  22. What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wished he had?
    A dead girlfriend and an ex-wife.
  23. Have you heard about the new presidential limousine?
    It's called the Pervertible...the top goes up and the intern goes down.
  24. Why is Clinton's approval rating so high?
    Because Monica was taking the pole.
  25. What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?
    Fornigate, Tailgate.
  26. What position did Monica Lewinsky have at the White House?
    Missionary.
  27. What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
    "Sat on the Presidential Staff."
  28. What is the difference between Monica Lewinsky and a Hoover vacuum?
    Where the DirtBag attaches.
  29. If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
    Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.
  30. Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff?
    She didn't understand what STAFF he really meant.
  31. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
    We know how many went down on the Titanic.
  32. How could President Clinton deny he had sex with Monica Lewinsky?
    Clinton claims it wasn't sex because, after all, she didn't swallow.
  33. What's the most popular game at the White House?
    Swallow the leader.
  34. If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?
  35. What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a greedy politician?
    Chelsea!
  36. What movie does Bill Clinton show to seduce White House interns?
    Free Willy.
  37. What's 12 inches long, 3 inches wide and hangs in front of an a--hole?
    Bill Clintons' tie.
  38. What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
    His faces.
  39. Why does Hillary Clinton wear high collared blouses?
    So you won't see her adam's apple move when Bill talks.
  40. Wouldn't Monica be great in the "got milk" ads? Can't you just picture her with that little white moustache?
  41. Scientists developed the idea for Viagra after studying President Clinton's DNA.
  42. In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton", 86% replied, "Not again!"
  43. After the Lewinsky story broke, Hillary asked Bill to comfort her with those three little words. Bill said, "EATIN' ain't CHEATIN'!"
  44. Monica didn't get paid for working in the White House...she did it for a GAG!
  45. The new favorite dish in the White House is the Clinton stew.
    One weenie in hot water.
  46. Clinton has given up the Saxophone...instead he's learning how to play the whore-Monica.
  47. Bill: "I didn't tell her to lie in the DEPOSITION...I told her to lie in THAT there position!"
  48. Bill Clinton accused Monica of not following the party line.
    He says she only paid lip service to it.
  49. Clinton hired Johnny Cochran for his defense.
    The new line is..."If she spit, you must aquit!"
  50. Mr. Clinton paid an unscheduled visit to a US Women's Luge Team practice, just before the team left for Nagano, Japan, shortly after hearing that they were already lying on their backs.
  51. The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.
  52. Hillary just hired a new White House intern ... LORENNA BOBBIT!
  53. Most people worry about getting AIDS from SEX.
    Bill worries about getting SEX from AIDES!
  54. The president got a dog so that Hillary wouldn't be confused when she walked past the Oval Office and heard, "Roll over, sit, stay. Good. Now here's your bone."
  55. Hillary's new book: "It Takes A Village..."
    "...To Satisfy My Husband"

Submitted By: John Edwards
Aug 28, 1998 10:37

This joke is rated: R