Quick Clinton Jokes
- What California city can't Bill get off his mind lately?
Scent o' Monica.
- Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird?
The Spread Eagle.
- How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they're too busy screwing the President.
- What is Clinton's favorite toy?
An Erector Set.
- What is Clinton's favorite card game?
- What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
An intern with braces.
- How did they finally bust Clinton?
Monica finally coughed up the evidence.
- During Nixon's administration we had a crisis involving "Tricky Dicky."
Now we have a crisis involving "Licky Dicky."
- What's Slick Willie's new nickname?
- What do the Nixon Whitehouse and the Clinton Whitehouse have in common?
Two Dicks out of control.
- What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Hilary? "My little buttercup."
What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Monica? "My little suction cup."
- Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is now working for 7-11?
She's endorsing the "Big Gulp."
- Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?
To promote off-shore drilling.
- Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
- Why does Clinton swim naked in the White House pool?
He is trolling for interns.
- What is Clinton's new Secret Service Code Name?
- Why can't they prove anything in the Monica Lewinsky case?
Because she swallowed the evidence.
- How did Bill reply regarding questions of "coaching" Monica's testimony?
"It wasn't words that I put in her mouth!"
- Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
- What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?
Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.
- What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.
- What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wished he had?
A dead girlfriend and an ex-wife.
- Have you heard about the new presidential limousine?
It's called the Pervertible...the top goes up and the intern goes down.
- Why is Clinton's approval rating so high?
Because Monica was taking the pole.
- What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?
- What position did Monica Lewinsky have at the White House?
- What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff."
- What is the difference between Monica Lewinsky and a Hoover vacuum?
Where the DirtBag attaches.
- If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.
- Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff?
She didn't understand what STAFF he really meant.
- What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
We know how many went down on the Titanic.
- How could President Clinton deny he had sex with Monica Lewinsky?
Clinton claims it wasn't sex because, after all, she didn't swallow.
- What's the most popular game at the White House?
Swallow the leader.
- If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?
- What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a greedy politician?
- What movie does Bill Clinton show to seduce White House interns?
- What's 12 inches long, 3 inches wide and hangs in front of an a--hole?
Bill Clintons' tie.
- What are the two worst things about Bill Clinton?
- Why does Hillary Clinton wear high collared blouses?
So you won't see her adam's apple move when Bill talks.
- Wouldn't Monica be great in the "got milk" ads? Can't you just picture her with that little white moustache?
- Scientists developed the idea for Viagra after studying President Clinton's DNA.
- In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton", 86% replied, "Not again!"
- After the Lewinsky story broke, Hillary asked Bill to comfort her with those three little words. Bill said, "EATIN' ain't CHEATIN'!"
- Monica didn't get paid for working in the White House...she did it for a GAG!
- The new favorite dish in the White House is the Clinton stew.
One weenie in hot water.
- Clinton has given up the Saxophone...instead he's learning how to play the whore-Monica.
- Bill: "I didn't tell her to lie in the DEPOSITION...I told her to lie in THAT there position!"
- Bill Clinton accused Monica of not following the party line.
He says she only paid lip service to it.
- Clinton hired Johnny Cochran for his defense.
The new line is..."If she spit, you must aquit!"
- Mr. Clinton paid an unscheduled visit to a US Women's Luge Team practice, just before the team left for Nagano, Japan, shortly after hearing that they were already lying on their backs.
- The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.
- Hillary just hired a new White House intern ... LORENNA BOBBIT!
- Most people worry about getting AIDS from SEX.
Bill worries about getting SEX from AIDES!
- The president got a dog so that Hillary wouldn't be confused when she walked past the Oval Office and heard, "Roll over, sit, stay. Good. Now here's your bone."
- Hillary's new book: "It Takes A Village..."
"...To Satisfy My Husband"
Submitted By: John Edwards
Aug 28, 1998 10:37
This joke is rated: R