Shit Happens: Religions

Taoism: s--- happens.
If you can s---, it isn't s---.
s--- happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna: s--- Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our s---.
Confucianism: Confucious say, "s--- happens".
Confucious says, "If s--- has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY."
Buddhism: If s--- happens, it isn't really s---.
If s--- happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
s--- will happen again to you next time.
Zen: What is the sound of s--- happening?
7th Day Adventism: s--- happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism: I've seen this s--- before.
This s--- is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This s--- happening IS you.
Protestantism: If s--- happens, it happens to someone else.
If s--- happens, praise the lord for it!
Calvinism: s--- happens because you don't work hard enough.
Episcopalianism: If s--- happens, hold a procession.
Lutheranism: s--- happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
Anglicanism: It's true, s--- does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Catholicism: If s--- happens, you deserved it.
You were born s---, you are s---, and you will die s---.
Charismatic Catholicism: s--- is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Judaism: Why does s--- always happen to US?
Why does s--- always happen just before closing the deal?
Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives?
Islam: If this s--- happens, it is the will of Allah.
If s--- happens, take a hostage.
We don't take any s---.
Nation of Islam: Don't take no s---!
New Age: That's not s---, it's feldspar.
A firm s--- does not happen to me.
This isn't s--- if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own s---.
If s--- happens, honor it and share it.
Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
Were all part of the same s---.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner s---.
Wicca: If s--- happened once, it will happen twice more.
The Goddess makes s--- happen.
Jehovah's Witnesses: No s--- happens until Armaggedon.
There is only a limited amount of good s---.
Knock Knock, "s--- Happens."
Here, we insist you take our s---.
s--- happens door to door.
Secular Humanism: s--- evolves.
Darwinism: Survival of the s---tiest.
Christian Science: When s--- happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
s--- doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Our s--- will take care of itself.
s--- in in your mind.
Atheism: I don't believe this s---.
It looks and smells like s---, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
s--- doesn't happen. s--- is dead.
No s---!
Religion from an Atheist's point of view: I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's s---.
Agnosticism: It looks and smells like s---, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its s--- or not.
What is this s---?!
How can we KNOW if s--- happens?
You can't prove any of this s---.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this s---!
Hey, this is good s---, mon.
Mormonism: If s--- happens, shun it.
Crap happens (you can't say s--- in Utah)
Hey, there's more s--- over here!
Our s--- is better than your s---.
s--- happens again & again & again ...
Energizer Bunny: s--- happens and keeps going and going and going and...
Baptist: You are s---ting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
We'll wash the s--- right off you.
Southern Baptist: s--- will happen. Praise the lord.
Iraqi Baathist: Oh s---!
Voodoo: s--- doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Let's stick some pins in this s---!
This s---'s gonna get you
Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this s--- stop happening.
Unitarianism: What is this s---?
We affirm the right for s--- to happen.
Go ahead, s--- anywhere you want.
It's not the s--- that matters.
It's the process.
Orthodox: St. Sergius found his faith in deep s---.
Greek Orthodox: s--- happens, usually in three's.
EST: I am at cause that s--- will not happen.
You're responsible for all the s--- that happens.
Fundamentalism: There's no s--- in the Bible.
s--- happens, but don't publish it.
Twelve Step: s--- happens one day at a time.
Amish: s--- is good for the soil.
This modern s--- is worthless.
Shintoism: You inherit the s--- of your ancestors.
Moonies: Only happy s--- really happens.
Stoicism: This s--- is good for me.
Zoroastrianism: s--- happens half the time.
Bahaism: Why do you keep s---ting on us?
Mysticism: This is really weird s---.
Paganism: s--- happens for a variety of reasons.
Rajhneesh: Give us your s--- and put on this orange s---.
Rosicrucianism: What is this AMORC s---?
Satanism: We hope bad s--- happens to all of you.
We will make your s--- happen.
Witchcraft: Mix this s--- together and it will happen
Scientology: All this happens to be s---.
If you leave us, bad s--- will happen to you.
Shamanism: Whoaa...Holy s---!
Sikhism: Leave our s--- alone
Sureshism: You are all pieces of s---.
Dianetics: "Why does s--- happen?"

Submitted By: Anonymous

This joke is rated: PG

Tags: BathroomReligion list