Resume Upsets

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:
  • "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
  • "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
  • "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
  • "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
  • "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
  • "I am a rabid typist."
  • "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
  • "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
  • "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
  • "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
  • "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
  • "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
  • "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
  • "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
  • "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
  • "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."
  • "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemanil."
  • "Qualifications: No education or experience."
  • "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
  • "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
  • "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
  • Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

Submitted By: Best of: Humor Mailing List
May 4, 1998 14:07

This joke is rated: G