This scheme will be known as Retiring Active Personnel Early (RAPE). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Management to be eligible for the Special Help After Forced Termination (SHAFT) program. The situation of persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the Subsistence Conditions for Retired Early Workers (SCREW). A person may only be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice, but SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.
Should an employee be refused a SCREW, he can apply to get Additional Income for Dependents or Spouse (AIDS) or Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance (HERPES). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons staying on will receive Special High Intensity Training (s---). Management has always prided itself on the amount of s--- it gives its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough s---, please bring this to the attention of you Supervisor, as he has been trained to give you all the s--- you can handle.
Submitted By: Anonymous
Feb 10, 1998 20:28