Scoring Your Man

Things that are just expected of guys have a score of zero.

Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -6
Tiffany has implants -8
Saturday Afternoons
You visit her parents+1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation+3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television-3
And the television is off-6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear -6
And you didn't even go to college-10
And it's not really your underwear-15
Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar+1
Okay, it's a sports bar-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team-10
You give her a gift0
You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance-10
You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day-10
With her credit card-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big-40
You forgot to pick her up at the bus station-25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey-35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast-50
Simple Duties
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings+5
But return with beer-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something+5
You pummel it with a six iron+10
It's her father-10
A Night Out With Your Pals
You have a few beers-9
For every beer after three-2 again
And miss curfew by an hour-12
You get home at 3 a.m.-20
You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars-30
And not wearing any pants-40
Is that a tattoo? -200
A Night Out, Just the Two of You
You go see a comic+2
He's crude and sexist-2
You laugh-5
You laugh too much-10
She's not laughing-15
You laugh harder-25
You lose the directions on a trip-4
You lose the directions and end up getting lost-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close & personal-25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt-60
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up a newspaper+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep-10

Submitted By: Joe Watson

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: gender list