Stages Of Life
Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned:
- No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
- When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.
- Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.
Great Truths About Life That Adults Have Learned:
- Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
- Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
- Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
- My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
- If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Great Truths About Growing Old:
- Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
- Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
- Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
- You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
- One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
- God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
- I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
- There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
- Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
- Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
- Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
The Four Stages Of Life:
- You believe in Santa Claus.
- You don't believe in Santa Claus.
- You are Santa Claus
- You look like Santa Claus.
Submitted By: Anonymous
Apr 13, 2001 14:27
This joke is rated: PG