Surprises in the Newly Released Star Wars Films
- New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
- He might not look as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.
- Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber.
- Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke."
- The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut.
- Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.
- C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass ass.
- Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees.
- New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee.
- Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe...hehe...she said, 'Lay ya.'"
- Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name.
- During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2's special attachment.
- Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
- The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star? Richard Jewell.
- Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber in bar scene none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.
Submitted By: Al Kelly
Apr 4, 1997 22:36
This joke is rated: PG