How To Stuff A Driving Test
- Drop a packet of tooth picks and tell the instructor how many fell out, then say "I'm an excellent driver."
- Assure the instructor there will be no incident like that whole open bridge thing that happened last week.
- Continuously look behind you, occasionally speeding up saying "they're following us."
- Before you set off just clarify RED = stop, GREEN = go.
- Sit in the driver's seat and tell the instructor to follow that cab.
- Drive around picking up people for fares.
- Lock all doors using central locking and say "Ah-ha now I've got you."
- Ask the instructor every ten seconds "Are we there yet?"
- Hot wire the car.
- Randomly say "I am not going to die, I am not going to die, I AM NOT GOING TO DIE."
- Bring a tape recorder, a large spoon, some cones, and a large tub of ice cream. Drive to the beach, stop and turn on Greensleeves.
- Get into the back and stare at the instructor as if s/he's stupid - or grab the steering wheel using those long plastic claws you got from the Easter show.
- Drive like a maniac and wait until the instructor goes to grab the steering wheel, lick it continuously and say "my steering wheel."
- When s/he tells you to slow down tell him/her you've only got 1500 points until you reach level four where you fight the Dragon Car of Death.
- Pick the really old instructor and make it your goal in life to drive like a lunatic each week until s/he retires or has a heart attack.
- Play corners.
- When you first meet the instructor grin and say "I went to the toilet today. Wanna see?"
- Ask: "If it was another time and another place do you think we could be lovers?"
- Bring a sledge hammer. Half way through the test get out of the car mumbling I'll give you shatter proof."
- Look at the instructor and say "this car ain't big enough for the both of us."
- Explain how the first murder is the hardest.
- Pretend something's wrong with the car. Open the hood. Get naked behind the hood and return to the car like nothing's different.
- Gnaw on your forearm. When the instructor notices say "Oh, I'm sorry. Would you like some?"
- Tell the instructor you haven't blacked out in days.
- Randomly slap you head screaming "Shut up. No! I don't want to. The instructor is a nice person."
- Buckle up, say "GO" a couple of times, then open up the hood and scratch your head.
Submitted By: Stuart Shinfield
Oct 19, 1997 14:44
This joke is rated: PG