Things Southerners Say

  • Exclamations
    • "Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
    • "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
  • Threats
    • "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
    • "This'll jar your preserves."
    • "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"
  • Good Things/Compliments
    • "Cute as a sack full of puppies."
    • "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
    • "Gooder than grits."
  • The Weather
    • "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
    • "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
    • Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot "
  • Descriptions
    • A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
    • When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
    • If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
    • He ran "like his feet was on fire and his ass was a-catchin"
    • A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
  • Insults
    • "She's uglier than homemade soap."
    • "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"
    • "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
    • "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
      (any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart)

Submitted By: Anonymous
Oct 8, 1999 14:04

This joke is rated: PG