Things To Do In An Elevator
  1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
  2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
  3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
  4. Call the bondage 900 line from your cell phone.
  5. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
  6. Bring a cat basket and take a nap in the corner.
  7. Bounce a superball around the elevator.
  8. Light a cigarette and tell people, "Smokey the Bear doesn't know what the heck he's talking about!"
  9. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
  10. Stand in the corner reading a telephone book, laughing uproariously.
  11. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
  12. Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
  13. When the doors close, use duct tape and work furiously to tape the doors together. Ask for help.
  14. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
  15. Bring a hammer and nails and hang pictures of yourself on the walls. Ask people, "Isn't that a good picture of me?"
  16. Leave your 12-foot long python alone in the elevator.
  17. Turn off the lights in the elevator to "conserve energy."
  18. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
  19. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
  20. Clean your gun.
  21. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
  22. Dressed in coveralls, get in a full elevator and when the door closes, push the stop button, post an "out of order" sign inside and go to work on the access panel, saying "This may take a minute."
  23. Push the call button, and when the voice answers ask, "God?"
  24. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
  25. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
  26. Push your floor button with your tongue.
  27. Stand alone, and when the doors open tell people trying to get on that the car is full and that they should wait for the next one.
  28. Swat at flies that don't exist.
  29. Shoot rubber bands at everyone.
  30. When the doors open, pretend that you bounce off a force field when you try to leave.
  31. Ride naked.
  32. When people get on, ask for their tickets and check that they meet the "height" requirements.
  33. Push the top floor button and announce that you tried to kill yourself yesterday but the other building wasn't high enough.
  34. Talk to people about the "golden age of elevators in the 50's." Explain why modern elevators can't compete with the "gas-powered lifts."
  35. Borrow small items from other people in the elevator, then shout "Wheee!" as you drop them through the crack in the floor when the elevator doors open.
  36. Jump rope.
  37. Bring a shovel and try to dig a hole.
  38. When the doors close, menacingly announce that "It's going to be a bumpy ride."
  39. Tell people that you can see their aura.
  40. Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

Submitted By: Anonymous
Aug 18, 1998 12:52

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: Advice list