Truths About Parenting

  • A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
  • A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
  • A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
  • A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
  • An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
  • Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.
  • Celibacy is not hereditary.
  • Familiarity breeds children.
  • For adult education, nothing beats children.
  • God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once.
  • God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
  • Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
  • Having children will turn you into your parents.
  • If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
  • If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
  • Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
  • Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.
  • It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
  • It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.
  • Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
  • Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
  • One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.
  • You can learn many things from children... like how much patience you have.
  • Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
  • The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
  • There are three ways to get things done:
    1. do it yourself
    2. hire someone to do it
    3. forbid your kids to do it
  • There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
  • Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
  • The best thing to spend on your children is time.

Submitted By: Anonymous
Apr 2, 1999 13:06

This joke is rated: PG