| Type | Quote | Also Known As | Advantages | Disadvantages |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ms. Nice Guy | "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have" | What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat | Cheerful, agreeable, kindly | May wise up someday |
| Old Yeller | "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??" | She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell | Pays attention to you | Screeches, throws frying pans |
| Sickly | "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite" | Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy | Predictable | Contagious |
| The Bosser | "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look." | Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom | Often right | Often right, but so what? |
| Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied | "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?" | The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey | Easily soothed | Even more easily perturbed |
| Wild Woman out of Control | "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun." | Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out | More fun than a barrel of monkeys | Unreliable; drives off cliffs |
| Huffy | "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at" | No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly | Your friends will feel sorry for you | You will have no friends |
| Woman from Mars | "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship" | The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic | Entertaining, unfathomable | Will read her poetry aloud |
| Ms. Dreamgirl | "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now" | Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous | Funny, intelligent uninhibited | Will have nothing to do with you |
Submitted By: Anonymous