Welfare Applicants

(These are supposedly sentences taken from actual letters received by local Welfare Departments from applicants for support. They made the rounds a few years ago. I have no proof that these are real, but they are pretty funny.)
  1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have 7, but one was Baptized on a half sheet of paper.
  2. I am writing to the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
  3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly.
  4. I cannot get sick pay. I have 6 children. Can you tell me why?
  5. I am glad to report that my husband who was missing, is dead.
  6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
  7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I now live with can't eat or do anything until he knows.
  8. I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son as illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
  9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
  10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.
  11. My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
  12. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
  13. You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?
  14. I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night.
  15. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
  16. I want my money as quick as I can get it. I've been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

Submitted By: Raleigh Mann
Sep 11, 1997 19:51

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: Idiots list