What I've Learned

  • I've Learned - that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
  • I've Learned - that no matter how much I care, some people are just a--holes.
  • I've Learned - that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
  • I've Learned - that it's not what you have in your life but how much you have in your bank accounts.
  • I've Learned - that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge t-ts.
  • I've Learned - that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more f---ed up than you think.
  • I've Learned - you should always leave loved ones with loving words. You may need to borrow money.
  • I've Learned - that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
  • I've Learned - that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
  • I've Learned - that either you control your attitude or you will be offered medication.
  • I've Learned - that heroes are the people who do whoever has to be done when they need to be done, regardless of the morning after.
  • I've Learned - that money is a great substitute for character.
  • I've Learned - that sometimes when I'm angry that I have PMS, God help all in my vicinity.
  • I've Learned - that maturity is a magazine for old f---s.
  • I've Learned - that your family won't always be there for you. Of course, if you win the lottery, the hag, the philanderer, the screw-up, the missing one and the horse tooth girl will more than be there for "you".
  • I've Learned - that no matter how badly your heart is broken therapy is still expensive..
  • I've Learned - that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
  • I've Learned - that overzealous customs agents can change your life in a matter of hours.
  • I've Learned - that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. And all the less important ones just never go away.
  • I've Learned - To say "f--- them if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

Submitted By: Jenn Sarajian
Jul 6, 1999 14:04

This joke is rated: PG