What We Learn From Soaps

  • People who are madly in love with one another will have a stronger relationship in the long run if they spend at least a year denying their feelings and one almost marries someone else.
  • If two people really despise one another, chances are good that they will wind up owning equal shares of a business
  • It's not unethical for a doctor to break the Hyppocratic Oath if it means getting his girlfriend back.
  • Earthquakes, explosions, highjackings, car wrecks and murders happen all the time, but most often around 'Sweeps Week.'
  • Unattractive people are undependable, they are sometimes evil, and it is foolish to overestimate them.
  • Ordinary people who get stranded on a desert island will suddenly develope keen survival skills and will probably be rescued shortly before their fiancee marries someone else.
  • There's no such thing as ghosts... unless the ghost was a really popular person in life.
  • Stay away from boats... When these floating death-traps aren't exploding, someone is usually falling overboard.
  • The most common female names in America are: Shane, Montana, Star, Cheyenne and Kayla The most common female professions are: hooker, fashion designer, c---tail waitress, model and ballsy high-powered corporate executive.
  • The most common male names in America are: Shane, Jake, Cody, Zack and Dakota The most common male professions are: doctor, millionaire, mafia hit-man and irresistably attractive brooding rebel loner who is secretly a millionaire.
  • Through the creative use of drugs, a doctor can fool someone into believing they have any disease he chooses.
  • Just because you got scammed out of your inheritance, lost your job and are being sued for241,000,000, that's no reason to stop buying fancy new clothes and designer sunglasses.
  • Explosives never do as much damage as you'd think.
  • Statistically speaking, you are far more likely to catch a rare tropical disease than you are to need your tonsils out.
  • Strippers, priests, terrorists, models, bank robbers and cut-throat ad execs generally socialize in the same circles.
  • If a man has a good body, he should pounce on any excuse to take his shirt off EXAMPLE: 'Oooh, some crumbs from this toast got on my shirt Better take it off and wash it right away.'
  • Due to legal loopholes, dated investigation techniques and the diabolical genius of the average criminal, the police always arrest the wrong person.
  • Everyone, whether they know it or not, is in line to inherit something good.
  • MYTH: People in comas are pale with sagging features and generally look like hell FACT: Most hospitals provide makeup and hairstyling services for their coma patients.
  • Everyone knows at least one person who flaked out and joined a wacko cult that took all their money.
  • The threat to expose incriminating evidence is a perfectly normal part of any legal or business negotiation.
  • If your husband has a secretary, he's sleeping with her If he's always short on cash, she's blackmailing him.
  • No spy would ever blow his cover, so if someone tells you he's a spy, he's probably just some international jewel thief who's trying to impress you.
  • If someone's house or apartment is messy, he or she is either an alchoholic= or the recent victim of burglers.
  • Should you suspect that someone is attracted to your signifigant other, watch out They're probably about to hatch an elaborate scheme to break the two of you up And worse yet, they could be in cahoots with someone who likes YOU
  • Good ways to get back at someone include framing them for a crime; marrying their vulnerable younger sister; or having them forcibly restrained, sedated and committed to an 18th Century-style insane asylum.
  • Nobody would ever really drug someone so that they appeared dead, fake a funeral and then lock that person in the basement so that they could assume his or her career, lover or personality..well, okay..some people might do that.

Submitted By: Tracee Butler
Oct 9, 1997 18:04

This joke is rated: PG