You Know You're A Mom When . . . .
- You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
- You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
- You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
- You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
- You child throws up, and you catch it.
- Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.
- You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
- You mastered the art of placing large quanitities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
- Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet, in the lobby of a Grand Central Station... and you do it.
- You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.
- You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
- You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons, while your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
- You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
- You hate the thought of his wife even more.
- You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.
- You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.
- You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.
- You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
- You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.
- You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.
- You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes!"
- You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
- You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.
- You say at least once a day, I'm not cut out for this job, but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Submitted By: Anonymous
May 16, 1998 12:59
This joke is rated: G