Women's Compact Instruction Booklet

  • Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
  • Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
  • Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.
  • What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
  • So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
  • If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.
  • Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
  • Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be let out alone.
  • The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks. (Personally I think the dancing is debatable on most men).
  • Never sleep with a man who's named his willy.
  • Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
  • A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
  • Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
  • Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
  • Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
  • The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
  • Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • If you want a committed man look in a mental hospital.
  • The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions.
  • If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.
  • A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, 'oh alright, I'll stay the night".
  • Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't even have bothered to have lunch with.
  • Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
  • If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practising.
  • Sadly, all men are created equal.
  • When he asks you if he's your first tell him, "You may be, you look familiar".
  • The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exalted status of a 'former boyfriend".
  • There are two significant influences in a man's life and they are both his mother.
  • There are a lot of words that you can use to describe - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong - but you could still use them.

Submitted By: Anonymous
Apr 2, 1998 08:20

This joke is rated: PG