A Standardized Guide to the Bases

First, let's examine what the bases could have meant in the old days.
First Base
This was almost always kissing, although one guy I knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue kissing and sometimes not.
Second Base
Variously this meant tongue kissing, breast feeling, or outside the clothes genital contact.
Third Base
Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or your partner.
Home Run
This was ALWAYS sex, although it was rarely reached in the times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.
Well that system is ok, if you are a young teenager with a repressed sex drive. But what happens when you reach maturity and new factors enter the equation, such as oral sex? And what about the exact definitions? Well we have attempted to answer such puzzling questions and present without further ado...
Standardized Guide to the Bases!
On DeckHaving plans for a date
SingleTongue kissing
DoubleBreasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of grabbing and feels
TripleMost of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual masturbation
Inside the park home runOral Sex
Home RunSEX!
Ground Rule Doublewould have sex, but no condom
ErrorCondom breaks during sex
Banned for life for gamblingsex without condom
Hall of FameMarriage

Now that we've got the basics, let's introduce some terms to better explain all the things that can happen now a days.

BalkPremature ejaculation
Pine TarKY jelly
Relief pitcherVibrator
Rain Delayparents/roommate return home unexpectedly\
Box SeatsWaterbed
Seventh Inning StretchUnusual positions
Minor LeaguesUnder 18
Loaded Basesmanage a trois
Grand SlamSex three times in twelve hours
Foul tipVD
Three up and three downimpotency

Now that we have the definitions, lets quickly contrast the old confusion with current clarity.

Old Way: We um got to third base I guess and then we um got like past third base, but not to home plate. I really like her.

New Way:

  1. First, there was a triple, then we got and inside the park home run, and started thinking, it's hall of fame time.
  2. So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out, when I balked during the seventh inning stretch and I had to call in a relief pitcher.

Submitted By: Anonymous

This joke is rated: PG