The Carpenter's Staircase

Once upon a time, there was this very quiet carpenter, called Ebenezer, living in a rural town. Ebenezer, being tired of having to make ordinary chairs and closests all day long wanted a greater purpose in his life, so he wanted to make something very special. After having pondered and thought about his problem for several weeks, he decided he should make the largest staircase in the world. So everyday, when all his other wordly chores were done, he worked a little bit on this staircase. What started out as a normal ordinary staircase, soon turned into something huge. And when I say huge, I mean HUGE. After two years of work, the staircase was higher than the highest churchtower in Ebenezer's rural town. However, the carpenter was still not satisfied, and continued to work on the staircase. And people from all over the country came to Ebenezer's town to watch this amazing accomplishment. And Ebenezer, he kept on carpenting his staircase. The staircase grew larger and larger and larger, until it reached right into the clouds. One day, Ebenezer decided it was time to climb his staircase. Many people from many towns came to say Ebenezer goodbye, as they did not know when he would return from his staircase odyssey. His wife, in tears, gave him a good hug and made him promise he would surely return. Packed with some supplies to survive a couple of days, Ebenezer started climbing his staircase. Before long, Ebenezer had reached the clouds and now was in thick fog. He could hardly see two steps ahead, but, with great perseverance, he kept on climbing. After four long days of exhausting staircase climbing, Ebenezer finally reached the top of his staircase. And behold, there was a marvelously encarved wooden door just a couple of inches away from the final step. Ebenezer was sure he had not made this door, so he decided to knock on it and see who opened up. Not hesitating for one moment, Ebenezer placed three hard knocks on this magnificent wooden door. With a lot of noice and screeping the door opened up. A very old man with a long beard asked: 'How may I help you son?'.

Ebenezer explained his trip on the staircase and told the man he was just curious to know what was behind the door.

'Well', the old man said, 'you are not really supposed to be here. These are the pearly gates and I am Saint Peter. I cannot show you in, because a prerequisite to enter is that you have to be dead.'

'Oh, I see', Ebenezer replied, 'but since I have made this tremendous trip up my staircase, would you not let me in for one minute, just to let me know what heaven looks like ?'

'I am sorry', Saint Peter said, 'but house rules are you have to be dead prior to entering'

'Please, please, please', Ebenezer begged, 'I have made great effort to get here, could you not let me in just for five minutes ?'

Saint Peter, not unmoved by the carpenter's achievement, finally gave in: 'OK, I will let you in, but you have to leave before the Holy Chimes have sounded three times'

Extremely happy, Ebenezer promises to keep this in mind and enters heaven. What he sees there defies all imagination. Unbelievably beautiful naked women are running about and fooling around with the men in heaven. There is sex abound in all places and the women just do not seem to get enough of it. Some are doing it with one men, but many are engaging in orgies Ebenezer had only dreamt of in his most fantastic dreams.Soon three gorgeous, very beautiful and extremely well endowed ladies are taking Ebenezer's clothes off and starting to caress him all over his body. Unable to resist, Ebenezer lies down and enjoys this treatment. All of a sudden he hears the first Holy Chime. However, since Saint Peter told him, he had only to be back at the third chime, Ebenezer did not pay much attention to this first warning. The women are getting him more and more excited and Ebenezer gets more and more passionate. Then the second Holy Chime sounds. Ebenezer feels he will reach his Holy Climax very soon, so he decides to wait for that and then rush back to the pearly gates. Soon after the second Chime, Ebenezer has the most tremendous orgasm of his entire life. He pulls his clothes back on and runs like hell to the pearly gates. With the gates in sight, he hears the third Holy Chime and sees Saint Peter slam the door shut.

'I am sorry', the Holy Man says, 'But I have to keep you here. You cannot go back since you did not live up to your promise to be back before the third Holy Chime.'

Ebenezer, pondering about his fate now, is not really unhappy, having to stay in heaven. However, he realizes his wife and friends are still down on solid ground waiting for him.

'Is there no way I could notify my wife of my arrest here', Ebenezer asks ? 'She must at least know what has happened to me. I must settle my estate and make sure all my possessions are rightly given to all my friends.'

'OK, OK, ', Saint Peter says, being somewhat regretful of having let this man in. 'But I have to be sure you come back to heaven. Since you did not live up to your previous promise, I will have to find a way to make sure you do not leave out on me again. You know what, I will turn you into a spider and tie the end of your spider string to the top of your staircase. You will have to push very hard out of your ass to produce some more string. As you get down you can tell your wife all about it and then I will pull you up again.'

Ebenezer agrees with this and yes indeed, all of sudden he is a spider. He pushes more and more string out of his ass and descends all the way back down to earth. After a couple of hours, right after having gone throught the cloud layer, he can already see the earth's surface. He keeps on pushing and pushing and he is almost at the top of his house's roof, when he runs out of string. He pushes harder and harder, until his bowels almost pop out of his ass, but still he does not descend any further. He decides to give it one more final try. With all the force of the universe, he pushes the hell out of his ass.

All of a sudden he feels someone shaking his shoulder and hears his wife yell at him: 'Ebenezer, Ebenezer, wake up ! What is happening to you ? You have a hard-on, your radio clock has already rung three times and now you are s---ting your pyjamas full....'

Submitted By: Anonymous

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: Misc