Ebenezer explained his trip on the staircase and told the man he was just curious to know what was behind the door.
'Well', the old man said, 'you are not really supposed to be here. These are the pearly gates and I am Saint Peter. I cannot show you in, because a prerequisite to enter is that you have to be dead.'
'Oh, I see', Ebenezer replied, 'but since I have made this tremendous trip up my staircase, would you not let me in for one minute, just to let me know what heaven looks like ?'
'I am sorry', Saint Peter said, 'but house rules are you have to be dead prior to entering'
'Please, please, please', Ebenezer begged, 'I have made great effort to get here, could you not let me in just for five minutes ?'
Saint Peter, not unmoved by the carpenter's achievement, finally gave in: 'OK, I will let you in, but you have to leave before the Holy Chimes have sounded three times'
Extremely happy, Ebenezer promises to keep this in mind and enters heaven. What he sees there defies all imagination. Unbelievably beautiful naked women are running about and fooling around with the men in heaven. There is sex abound in all places and the women just do not seem to get enough of it. Some are doing it with one men, but many are engaging in orgies Ebenezer had only dreamt of in his most fantastic dreams.Soon three gorgeous, very beautiful and extremely well endowed ladies are taking Ebenezer's clothes off and starting to caress him all over his body. Unable to resist, Ebenezer lies down and enjoys this treatment. All of a sudden he hears the first Holy Chime. However, since Saint Peter told him, he had only to be back at the third chime, Ebenezer did not pay much attention to this first warning. The women are getting him more and more excited and Ebenezer gets more and more passionate. Then the second Holy Chime sounds. Ebenezer feels he will reach his Holy Climax very soon, so he decides to wait for that and then rush back to the pearly gates. Soon after the second Chime, Ebenezer has the most tremendous orgasm of his entire life. He pulls his clothes back on and runs like hell to the pearly gates. With the gates in sight, he hears the third Holy Chime and sees Saint Peter slam the door shut.
'I am sorry', the Holy Man says, 'But I have to keep you here. You cannot go back since you did not live up to your promise to be back before the third Holy Chime.'
Ebenezer, pondering about his fate now, is not really unhappy, having to stay in heaven. However, he realizes his wife and friends are still down on solid ground waiting for him.
'Is there no way I could notify my wife of my arrest here', Ebenezer asks ? 'She must at least know what has happened to me. I must settle my estate and make sure all my possessions are rightly given to all my friends.'
'OK, OK, ', Saint Peter says, being somewhat regretful of having let this man in. 'But I have to be sure you come back to heaven. Since you did not live up to your previous promise, I will have to find a way to make sure you do not leave out on me again. You know what, I will turn you into a spider and tie the end of your spider string to the top of your staircase. You will have to push very hard out of your ass to produce some more string. As you get down you can tell your wife all about it and then I will pull you up again.'
Ebenezer agrees with this and yes indeed, all of sudden he is a spider. He pushes more and more string out of his ass and descends all the way back down to earth. After a couple of hours, right after having gone throught the cloud layer, he can already see the earth's surface. He keeps on pushing and pushing and he is almost at the top of his house's roof, when he runs out of string. He pushes harder and harder, until his bowels almost pop out of his ass, but still he does not descend any further. He decides to give it one more final try. With all the force of the universe, he pushes the hell out of his ass.
All of a sudden he feels someone shaking his shoulder and hears his wife yell at him: 'Ebenezer, Ebenezer, wake up ! What is happening to you ? You have a hard-on, your radio clock has already rung three times and now you are s---ting your pyjamas full....'
Submitted By: Anonymous