The Top 18 Signs That You've Hired the Wrong Clown for Your Child's Party
- By the end of the party, he's got every damn kid doing
the "pull my finger" trick.
- Clown car must be started with breathalizer device.
- Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!"
- References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on
most 5-year olds.
- Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and
your wide-screen TV.
- Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the "Severed
Limb" trick.
- Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Newark.
- Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist your
dachshund into other animal shapes.
- Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned
in the joint."
- Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.
- Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"
- More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than
into his pants.
- Those huge ears look too darn life-like, and the entire act
consists of showing charts and complaining about the deficit.
- A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends the entire
party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.
- Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake
on acid."
- Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind of Stephen
King..."
- Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the world."
- All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.