Effective Dieting

half grapefruit 1 slice wholemeal toast 300ml skimmed milk decaffinated coffee 80g grilled chicken breast 1 serve steamed carrots 1 cup herbal tea 1 chocolate digestive biscuit
Afternoon TeaDinner
rest of chocolate digestives 1 litre of ice cream 1 bottle chocolate topping nuts, cherries, whipped cream 2 loaves garlic bread 1 large pepperoni pizza 1 bottle red wine 3 mars bars
Evening snack while watching TV:
entire frozen cheesecake directly from the freezer

The following rules must be applied if you're to take this diet seriously:
  • if you eat something and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories
  • if you drink a diet coke when eating sweets, the diet coke cancels out any calories in the sweets.
  • When eating with someone else, your calories don't count if you eat less than they do.
  • Calories in food for medical purposes NEVER count; eg hot chocolate, brandy, cheesecake
  • Movie related foods do not add calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package; eg Quality street, buttered popcorn, M&M's
  • Cookie peices contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.
  • Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something; eg peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.
  • Foods that have the same colour have the same number of calories; eg spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.
Note; since brown is a universal colour, chocolate may be subsituted for any other food colour.

Happy Eating!

Submitted By: Anonymous

This joke is rated: PG
Tags: Advice list